We are all men and being so, while we are young, most of us want sex, however it presents itself. The younger we are, the more it doesn’t matter where it comes from.
The shame we feel around porn has been created by women’s horrified response to the very natural condition of man in a world where even speaking the subject of sex is taboo.
First, it was mother’s response to other males, then later, the females around us including first our girlfriends, then our wives, speaking openly with disgust about those dirty males and their pornographic addictions.
Instead of feeling guilty about our pornographic tendencies, let’s embrace them, enjoy the experience and revel in our purely male disposition as a delightful way we can love ourselves.
I know it’s not easy, but we can choose to feel proud that we still have enough testosterone to be interested in such things, because by the time we reach our forties the need for sex will wane a bit. In our fifties it will lessen, then when most of us reach our older years, the flow of testosterone will disappear all together and along with it the desire for sex. You’re going to miss it, so why not enjoy it while you can.
I used to look at a woman and I felt ashamed that all I could see was body parts. All I could think about was how much I wanted her. Now that the testosterone vale has been lifted, I look at a woman and the last thing I see, if at all, is her body.
Sure, we can lay the blame on Madison Avenue or the Catholic church for making sex at the same moment so inciting and utterly taboo, but the fact is almost every man I have talked to about this has time and again looked at photos of their fantasy sexual partner.
It’s come to my attention that, except for a minuscule percentage of the female population, many women are not that interested in sex. Their interest lie more in the intimacy of looking deeply into their loved ones eyes, finding a place to connect hearts and feeling the deepness of that connection. They are willing to trade our need for sex for those feelings.
All a fully testosteroned man wants is sex. He’ll do anything for it, including looking deeply into her eyes, but his first and foremost objective is the act of sex, however it presents itself. If he chooses to look at a two-dimensional photographs or movies to satisfy those base instincts, then so be it.
Understand that this is our private life and there are places she does not belong, as much as she wants to know all there is to know about us. There is no need to feel shame about being private as long as we are considerate about her sensibilities by not posting pictures of naked women on the bathroom walls or leaving files on our computer for her to accidentally find.
Nik C. Colyer is a novelist dedicated to speaking about issues that might heal the long-standing rift between the sexes. His debut novel series “Channeling Biker Bob” is a tasty adventure, mixing misplaced manhood, marriage on the rocks, and motorcycles over easy.